nothing ever prepared me for losing you. i remember that feeling, the pit in my chest when i knew you started to pull away from me. i wish now looking back we could have just talked about it, i never wanted her. i would have always chosen you, every time because i loved you. but you never talked about it, you never gave me that chance but i guess you were just protecting your heart. i remember our last trip, i wish i could remember it clearly, i wish i could remember the way you smiled and the sound of your laugh. i wanted so badly for that trip to make you realise you didn’t have to make that decision for us, that we could have worked it out, that it was worth working it out. i think that was the last time you loved me, i wonder if it broke your heart like it did mine. for me i couldn’t stop that easily, how do you manage to cut someone out your life like that. you were my best friend. it was hard leaving knowing what was to come when we touched down, it was like trying to savour every moment whilst your heart was slowly breaking. i remember holding your hand until we got back home, the realisation setting in that we’d have to let go and i wasn’t going to. with one squeeze i looked into your eyes, i was already tearing up as i pulled you into me, hoping it would convey everything i tried to say in our last embrace. we knew we’d have to let go eventually but we just stayed there holding each other. i was never prepared for watching you walk out my life. 

– i wish i could have saved our friendship.