Posted on by tashjcurry

maybe somewhere in another universe, another lifetime you’re with me

There’s a universe out there where we are together. One where you’re not with him, you’re with me, and that my actions, my choices didn’t factor into loosing you. There’s an ‘us’ somewhere among the universes. If that’s not here. Not now, nor in this world or lifetime I pray that somewhere we’re happy, that in that universe we’re not in the same situation we are in now, one where you’re slipping through my fingers and falling into his arms. That in one life somewhere we end up together. The memories, the idea of you and me live through my stories, in the words I write. We fought so hard to be with one another in this life, and for our story to end up like this is truly heartbreaking my dear. It wasn’t our fault, life just came and took us on different paths. Things like this happen, people change and drift apart. I will always love you my dear, and I’m sorry that in our story, in this lifetime we don’t end up together. There’s a universe out there where we are together, that I’m with you, and you’re with me and we’re happy, that in that universe we didn’t hurt each other like we did in this one, that our choices make us stronger rather than ripping us apart, and fate doesn’t get in the way of our happiness. I don’t know if you believe that but I have too, that in one universe there is an ‘us’, and if the fates allow thats the universe I will always choose, the one I will always dream about, that’s the one my heart lives in, the one where we are together.

– maybe somewhere in another universe, another lifetime you’re with me

Posted on by tashjcurry

i don’t want to lose that one perfect memory of us

Over the years, the pain, those memories started to fade. I started to heal. My heart didn’t hurt from the thought of you or ache for the sound of your name. I stopped looking for you in the eyes of other people, I passed in the street. I moved on with my life, but sometimes when I sat down to write you always came to my mind, were you happy, did you find somebody else. Did you sometimes still think of me and what we had, what we could have been. Sometimes I hope I’d find you in my words, in our memories. I always wanted to check up on you but I couldn’t bring myself to know if you’d fallen for someone who wasn’t me, and I know what we had happened a long time ago now but you my love hold a special place in my heart. I just wanted to remember us, and the way were were all those years ago when we were younger, happier. 

– i don’t want to lose that one perfect memory of us.

Posted on by tashjcurry

thank you for loving me.

my darling i never 

deserved your love.

i was so lucky

because you loved me 

anyway.

maybe somewhere 

i’m enough for 

you,

maybe somewhere 

i’m deserving

of your love.

maybe one day i’ll be 

that person

worthy of your love.

i hope maybe someday 

i’m better for you, my love.

– thank you for loving me.

Posted on by tashjcurry

our history meant nothing unless we’d be remembered together.

there was something 

in the way history 

told our story.

it was beautiful 

and yet so tragic.

it was told that

we would always 

be searching for 

one another 

across the stars 

just to find peace 

in each others arms.

but history would 

never let us be happy

for long.

there was always a price 

the universe said

when we found each other.

when the universe separated us

we’d always be missing half 

of ourselves, 

we’d only be half alive.

so when i found you,

after all that yearning,

wandering through 

heaven and hell.

i felt whole after years

feeling like i was missing 

the other half of my heart.

we were never told 

how many times 

history had repeated itself,

but i believe in my heart 

it was always written in our

blood to find one another. 

our love always came with a price 

but it was one i’d always 

be willing to pay, 

if it meant i could love you 

until my dying day.

– our history meant nothing unless we’d be remembered together.

Posted on by tashjcurry

i will always be in love with you, in every lifetime.

this is my last goodbye my love,

to something that never was.

this is

my last letter,

a soft epilogue, 

an ending to maybe, 

finally 

close the book.

because

here lies our hopes,

our maybes,

what could have been.

maybe something that never was.

what i thought to have believed.

we were

a story that was tragically unwritten,

because i could never find the 

right words,

for us.

for you,

or for me

because maybe we could have been 

great, if only i had the courage 

to tell you how much i loved you 

while you were still here with me.

please

forgive me

for all i never said, 

for everything i longed to say.

i love you,

and you knew,

and that’s the tragedy. 

because i loved you 

with everything i had,

i guess it wasn’t enough 

in this universe 

but i hope it is in the 

next. 

– i will always be in love with you, in every lifetime.

Posted on by tashjcurry

there was never more of a heartbreaking word than ‘almost’.

what if i told you i loved you,

would that have changed anything?

would have it been a different story?

we were this almost,

but it was never enough 

not for them,

not for us.

i almost told you i loved you,

you almost loved me.

i almost believed you, 

you almost stayed.

we were an almost, 

could have been, 

something that never was,

in love. 

– there was never more of a heartbreaking word than ‘almost’

Posted on by tashjcurry

she’s in love with somebody else.

You told me you love her as we sat outside, dawn was approaching, the cold setting in, at this point of our story alone you already have broken my heart too many times to count now. My heart shattered once again, why did I ever think this could be a happy story, why did I think we could have been something more than this, more than friends. I know you don’t love me, but I want you to know now because I’ve had too many sleepless nights wishing you were in my arms knowing you were in hers. And I want you to be happy, that’s all I wanted but the thought of you and her just kills me. I could tell you how long I’ve felt like this but somewhere overs the years my feeling for you kinda stuck up on me, looking back they were always there but I never believed anything could come of it because I couldn’t bare it if you didn’t love me, and I didn’t want another unrequited love. So those feeling I push back down into a box I would never open because I fear if I ever did I would have lost you. As we sat I could feel my heart aching as you said those words, the ones I  longed to say about you. There was only once maybe there could have been the possibility of you and me,  but as we stayed there words between us, all the ones I never said, all those I should have said to you when I had the chance. There was a pain hidden in my eyes but darling you could read me like a book. Somewhere deep down I think you knew how I felt, I had years to tell you I should never had waited till the end to write this hoping you’d see that it should have been me, that I wanted you. All I ever wanted was you. 

– she’s in love with somebody else.

Posted on by tashjcurry

but till that days comes, you will always be my biggest ‘what if’.

I think love for you will always be there 

in the stories, poetry, letters 

that I never sent.

Our love was not one to be remembered 

in the history books. 

It was not a great love story, an epic romance,

it would fade with time,

Like we did.

Maybe one day I can finally

let you go. 

But today is not that day,

and I will love you till that

day comes.

But until then 

I hope you know that I

held onto us for as long as I could.

Until those three words lost there meaning.

Maybe one day I will write about someone

other than you.

– but till that days comes, you will always be my biggest ‘what if’.

Posted on by tashjcurry

you looked like the girl i loved, yet you weren’t her.

You looked exactly the same as you did five years ago, there was this sense of familiarity in your eyes, but you were a completely different person then, you use to make me happy. When I saw you my heart stopped, I was seventeen again. I was back there on your porch in the poring rain, you were crying in my arms, an amicable silence fell between us. You broke your heart that night and I let you.

It’s been so long my dear, we’ve changed, we drifted apart. We forgot each other. I still remember the girl I loved, the girl you were, but you’re not that person I fell in love with many years ago, and I’m not the same guy who loved you.

When I saw you with him, our love came back in waves of echo’s and all those thoughts and feelings I forgot over the years came flooding back. And for a brief second I was seventeen again and completely, madly in love with you.

– you looked like the girl i loved, yet you weren’t her.

Posted on by tashjcurry

an unrequited love. a series by me, part one

If someone had told me five years ago, when this began, that this one girl would have been so important in my story.

I wouldn’t have believed you.

If someone told me that I would eventually fall for you, I would have laughed it off, hell even a year ago it wouldn’t have even passed my mind, the thought of loving you. Yet here we are and I’m sat writing this, rather than telling you how I feel.

So here lies a series of letters for you, for me. To be able to get this off my chest. To maybe, finally start to let you go.

Let’s begin where I realised I saw you as more than a friend. I couldn’t pin point the moment I started to like you, it probably creeped it’s way in over time because honestly it was impossible for someone not to love you. But for me it was probably around Christmas time, on that cold December night. The snow hadn’t started to fall yet but I always hoped it would. We were on a night out, which happened every Christmas and you looked beautiful as always. Up to this moment in time I’d had some pretty fleeting moments with you, which started to lead me to falling down that rabbit hole of endless possibilities of maybes of hopes of some days. Like maybe, just maybe this could mean something, this could be real, you and me. We were always playful, that constant back a forth. I never thought I’d have to question it, that it was our thing we’d always been like that since the day we met, but how wrong was I, you did this with everyone and I wasn’t special. And it hurt because I wanted to mean something to you.

You were the only one holding together my broken heart, because on that night I saw her again. I hadn’t seen her for almost a year since she left, and I know she was your friend but I had loved her for a long time but I could never call her mine, I never had the chance because she had him. And she deserved better, she deserved someone who would love her wholeheartedly. It didn’t help that a few weeks before that night you told me that she ended it, and she deserved so much better than him and a part of me always wished I could have had that chance, if only I had the courage, if only I had found the right words. But if I ever did, my heartbreak, this story wouldn’t have led me to you.

It was under the neon lights where she looked happier, care free, like the girl I had loved all those months ago. She was with some of her friends laughing and dancing to the music, but when our eyes finally met, she smiled and somewhere, somehow we collided in the mists of people like nothing else mattered and honestly I melted into her arms and everything for a second fell back into place, like we hadn’t been apart, like nothing had changed. Like she didn’t leave me with a broken heart all those months ago. We held each other for what felt like an eternity but I knew I needed to let go.

That’s enough about her, this was always going to be about you and me.

After that reunion I needed some air but somehow I always found my way back to you after I finished chatting to some people I knew outside. You were in the middle of the dance floor, you’d had a few drinks but that never stopped you, you always went after what you wanted, what made you happy. You pulled me in for a dance, and I hate dancing but I never minded it when it was with you but we were interrupted by the guy who had a crush on you, and he took you away to ‘talk‘. And you left me watching as you went. As the night flew by, with a few fleeting glances here and there, I called it a night.

I went to say goodbye to her I needed to let her go but foolishly I let myself be pulled back in to our bubble, she made me feel like we were the only two in the room. I knew that I wouldn’t see her again for a long time so I gave in, as she was in my arms I held her tight trying to savor the moment like nothing else mattered as she buried her head into my chest, we stood like that on the dance floor for quite some time, it was now or never and I stupidly let slip that I missed her, she laughed and tighten her grip on me. My heart rapidly beated out my chest waiting for her response. “I miss you too”. You broke my heart for a second time that night and I knew I had to leave and it pained me as tried to remember how safe I felt in your arms. No matter what I felt for her I would always come back to you.

You were at the bar when I found you, and as we said goodnight you pulled me into your arms. You were never a hugger but I like to think that with me that changed. As I pulled to go, you kissed my cheek and I havent forgotten it since.

It was that one that cold December night when you kissed me everything changed, but sometimes I wish it didn’t because out of all these crushes and hopeless fantasies, you’re the one that I don’t think I can get over, the one I can’t forget.

love always.

tash