I don’t ever want to lose that one perfect memory of us.

Over the years, the pain, those memories started to fade. I started to heal. My heart didn’t hurt from the thought of you or ache for the sound of your name. I stopped looking for you in the eyes of other people I passed in the street. I moved on with my life, but sometimes when I sat down to write, you always came to my mind, were you happy, did you find somebody else. Did you sometimes still think of me and what we had, what we could have been. Sometimes I hope I’d find you in my words, in our memories. I always wanted to check up on you but I couldn’t bring myself to know if you’d fallen for someone who wasn’t me, and I know what we had happened a long time ago but you my love hold a special place in my heart. I just wanted to remember us, and the way were were all those years ago when we were younger, happier. 

i don’t ever want to lose that one perfect memory of us.

my heart still breaks for every story in which we don’t end up together.

I hope there are different universes out there. One’s where I made different choices, chose different paths. Told different stories, that weren’t filled with such heartache. A universe in which I am with you, one where we are together, and we’re happy. One where we haven’t been separated by fate made to walk down different paths, forced into making different choices, choosing other people instead of each other. 

Somewhere I believe that we’re happy, in another universe my darling, another lifetime, a distant story. 

my heart still breaks for every story in which we don’t end up together. 

this dream was always playing round my head, you were always in my heart.

you will always be an almost.

something that never was.

we were just a dream.

a perfect heartbreaking dream.

maybe that dream will become a story,

one day.

maybe in that story we’ll be something

more than an almost.

something that will withstand the test of time.

maybe someday,

maybe we’ll always be a dream

i had.

but i know

we had something,

there was something,

maybe it was love.

maybe it wasn’t.

but in this life,

we’ll always be an almost love.

– this dream was always playing round my head, you were always in my heart.

I found you in the wrong universe my love.

By the law of the multiverse there must be a universe out there where I made the right choices and they led me to loving you. But on the other hand my dear, there’s so many different stories, endless possibilities, questionable choices I must have made. And the heartbreaking realisation…that fatal conclusion that out there somewhere there’s a universe in which where we don’t end up together.

So there must be a universe where we’re together. I hope in that universe I didn’t wait until the end of the story to tell you that I loved you, that it was always you. That it should have been you from the very beginning, I’m sorry my love I got lost in someone else eyes, when it should have been you I was falling for. In this universe, the one in which I’m writing this I never told you how much you meant to me. I waited too long, I never found the right words. There was never the right time and you my love found somebody else. But somewhere, in another time, another world I hope I found the right words, I hope you found me amongst these pages. I hope I found you. 

There’s a universe one in which when we met all those years ago when we were young and in love, we never had to go down separate paths forced by fate. We were never given a choice to choose each other in that story. And at the end, after everything, after all of those labours we faced we were told we couldn’t find our way back to each other, that it was the will of the gods. How cruel that the universes got to decide if we could ever be together, after everything, all those sacrifices. After being separated for centuries at the hands of the gods our love became forgotten by history, and I guess we slowly forgot too. But this time, in this story the laws of the universe, fate, the gods could never separate us again because falling in love with one another was our fate all along, and that should have been our story.

But those are just other dreams, memories, distant stories of hopes of maybe and might have beens.

There’s a universe where we never met, and we go our whole lives missing something that we can never find. And the sad thing is that we would never know what we’re missing. There are ones where we are strangers who never connected, passing one another on the street pained with a heavy feeling in their chests.

There had to be one story, the one wrong universe where we couldn’t have had a happy ending. There had to be one universe my love, and it was a tragedy that it had to be this one. I hope you find these words in whatever time my love, the ones I longed to stay but never did.

I’m sorry for all I never said, all of the things you never heard in this universe. Maybe we’ll be happy in the next, maybe in another life. Maybe, just maybe.

 

another place in time you were infintly mine

Here lies my love for you, scattered in words unspoken, letters I’ve never sent. It would only be here in my words with the hope that one day you would read them.

If you love someone don’t wait to tell them. I always make excuses that it was never the right time, never the right moment. I had months to tell you that I loved you. But I didn’t because honestly I was scared. Because loving you terrifies me, and I know deep down you’re the only person who can hurt me. I never thought I would have fallen for you, but after all these years how could I not. Love never did come easy to me and I could never hold on, it always slipped through my fingers. I knew you would break my heart, and you did because you found her.

I wanted to tell you everything but I couldn’t ruin what we have. You are one of the only good things in my life. I couldn’t lose you. And to be honest I couldn’t hear those words out your mouth

“I’m sorry. I don’t love you in that way”. 

So how do you kill a feeling? Here are all these words left unsaid buried with my love for you. Where the thought of us can be laid to rest with the all the hopes of maybes and might have beens.  I want you to be happy and you deserve her, you deserve love. And I know you think you don’t, but my love you deserve it the most. I just hope your happy, I hope she makes you happy.

Maybe one day you’ll realise everything I ever wrote was about you. And I hope you’ll know that whenever your reading this, if you ever find these words in another place, another time.

I loved you, and I’m sorry I never did tell you sooner.

But you’re happy so I guess something after better left unsaid.

without you i could never have wrote these tales of a lost love.

There’s a universe out there, one in which we will never meet. One where we never fall in love and break each others hearts. Maybe that’s the universe I want because I wouldn’t be hurting right now. We would never have ended up like this. But that’s another story, an easier one. But it would have been a very different tale, and it wouldn’t have made me into the person I am today. You changed me and maybe I’ll never truly understand why we ended the way we did but because of you I found peace in these words.

– without you i could never have wrote these tales of a lost love. 

even after years the thought of you still being somewhere in my heart terrifies me.

She reminds me of you and at times I have to stop myself from calling out your name.

How is it that I managed to stop looking for you in the eyes of others but when I look at her all I can see if you. When I look at her my heart tightens in anticipation of it breaking again, you still sometimes come back in echo’s. She’s not you darling but she could be and that thought terrifies me because this isn’t that story, I won’t let it happen again. I won’t write that ending a second time.

I feel like I’m seventeen again wanting to find that piece of myself in an old feeling hidden amongst pages.  Somehow I’m still finding you in other people and nothing scares me more than the thought of your name on my lips. I believed I could finally be at peace, that after all this time you still find a way back onto these pages long after your chapter ended.

 

– even after years the thought of you still being somewhere in my heart terrifies me.

The war took everything, even our love.

They say all’s fair in love and war but my darling we were never in love, we were always at war.

We could never have loved each other in the way we should. The war was not beautiful, and I couldn’t have romanticized it for what it was. It broke me in the hope of building me into something better. When actually it made me into a weapon, after that I knew I could never find peace, I would always be a product of war.

You could not love me, I was broken. All that death and bloodshed would haunt me until my dying day. You could never look at me in the eye and forgive me after everything I did.

We would always be on the battlefield, when we should have been in each others arms.

the war took everything, even our love.

I can’t ever imagine the day where I don’t love you.

I’m scared to tell you how I feel because I don’t want to lose you.

So for now I will write it down in these letters, the ones I never sent. Maybe years later I will come back to our story. Maybe I’ll be content with the way our story never really started and ended in the way I wanted. Maybe I remember you and the way I fell in love with you, and I couldn’t have asked for anything more than for some of your love, even if it was never in the way I expected, you loved me and for that I’m grateful. 

Maybe in this life I never got my happy ending with you, maybe after all these years you still don’t know that I loved you and a part of me is okay with you not knowing because darling maybe one day you’ll realise reading these words and I hope one day they will find you. 

But this is today and I fear if I tell you that I love you we might never be the same again, so for now my love for you will stay here waiting for you, ready for they day when you need to hear my words.

Hell maybe you’ll never know, maybe you’ll never realise that these words were meant for you but I’ll be damned if your not somewhere within these words.

i can’t ever imagine the day where i don’t love you.//t.c

i wish i could be who you wanted.

I wanted to kiss you, tell you everything was going to be okay. That someone would be worthy of your love, that someone would love you wholeheartedly. That night I couldn’t be that person, all I could do was hold you in my arms and pray that you understood, that one day, maybe I could love you like wanted.

But that’s not today, and I’m not that person