Posted on by tashjcurry

you became a chapter in my life, one I’d always go back to when i got the chance.

stories end, 

the lovers lose each other. 

battles are lost, 

the hero dies. 

the tragedy always lingers,

never fading.

all these stories,

all this sorrow

i never wanted this ending.

i never wanted you to stop loving me,

like you did.

but sometimes stories are just stories,

they don’t have to have meaning.

you can choose your own path,

write your own story,

because darling i would never have written our story this way,

with the ending it did. 

– you became a chapter in my life, one I’d always go back to when i got the chance.

Posted on by tashjcurry

maybe we’ll never truly know who left first. but i think we both know the truth, i’m sorry my love.

there will always be a part of my heart that will always hurt, will always ache for the piece you took when you left. a dull ache that i can’t shake. you left your mark on my heart. i wish i chose another path, i wish you could have stayed, told me everything was going to be okay. i’ll never forget that night, you broke my heart, i broke yours too. i should have stayed, i should have fought harder, i shouldn’t have said all those things that weren’t true. it would have been easier to say you shouldn’t have fallen for somebody new. but i’m not that person anymore. you broke my heart, and you should have hated me for what i did. i know i should have closed this book years ago, i should never have reopened is wound you left. sometimes i wish you could have been the one to have stayed, that i should have left first. but i guess that’s the difference between our story, to the ones telling it, because i know you’ll say i was the one to leave first. maybe i should have stayed. i wished you could have stayed, that the part of my heart, the piece that you took, wished that could you’d have just stayed. 

– maybe we’ll never truly know who left first. but i think we both know the truth, i’m sorry my love. 

Posted on by tashjcurry

– the stages of heartbreak –

i never knew that when your heart breaks that wouldn’t be the worse part, it would be what follows. it was the fading memories that you can’t seem to hold onto, even though your trying just to hold onto that feeling, even if it’s just for a little longer. sometimes i can still feel the ghost of the fantom pain of your hand in mine, your thumb running over my knuckles. i’m forgetting the feeling of you in my arms. i’m struggling to remember the sound of my name from your lips, and that one smile you reserved just for me, that twinkle in your eyes. sometimes the days blur in those moments, those feelings are slowly fading from my memory, but only sometimes there’ll be an echo. now i can’t remember out last kiss, the way it felt on my lips. and the ways you would whisper ‘ i love yous’ between kisses, and the little things like the sound of your laugh. it’s not even like i can rewrite them to try and recreate them, it’s in those moments of finding memories i wish for them all back, just to be able to relive them, to be able to write them down, just too hold onto. i wished you stayed because then the heartache meant you were still here with me, and not like this. maybe i’ll forget everything with time, but i don’t think my heart truly will. i think i’ll always remember, like the night you left, the tears streaming down your face, the way my voice broke when i begged you for a second chance, that i wanted you to stay. i’ll remember the aftermath that followed as we sat down on your front door step, the cold seeping in, i remember the pain in your voice when you said you didn’t love me. i wish heartbreak was easier, because i want to forget, i want to forget you. but someway i knew i never would, our story was never a happy one. and one day i’ll find peace with that.

– the stages of heartbreak. 

Posted on by tashjcurry

it was one of the many lies I had to tell myself.

“ You loved her. Didn’t you? You never stopped…” my therapist asked. 

“ Yeah I did. I really did ”.

“ Did she love you? ”. 

Silence filled the room, it was suffocating. That question had played on my mind for years, it was the question I locked away hoping that one day when I was stronger I could answer it truthfully, and today was not that day.

“ I don’t think so, she just loved the idea of me, it always felt like she wanted a better version. Or maybe she did, I just couldn’t see it. But now I’ll never know. “

 “ Will that not knowing torment you? ”

Yes. 

You didn’t tell him that you had already lost sleep, that that feeling she left made you sick to your stomach. You couldn’t tell him that you’d never felt a heartbreak quite like this, that you felt this enormous sense of guilt for what you did. That you truly believed that your heart would never be able to pull itself back together. How could you say that this loss haunted your soul, how could you say that her demons became mine.

I took a deep breath and answered.

“ No. That not knowing might just save me some torment ”.

– it was one of the many lies I had to tell myself. 

Posted on by tashjcurry

second to the right, and straight on till morning.

It was always a bedtime story, a fading dream, one I could never quite shake. There was this feeling, a longing… it was there when the sun would set, when the sky went dark. The stars would shine as you tried to rest. But that feeling was always there, it never left, until you found Neverland. 

But the sad truth was that feeling never really went away, it had just subsided for a while. You were always searching for something, for a purpose. Every night you returned to those old London streets, with tired bloodshot eyes, sparkling in the light. You were always looking for the light. It wasn’t till one night, you stumbled across her house. It was the only house with the light still on, and oh my darling, all the adventures you’ll have. And I know you’ll fall for her. You’ll ask her to stay, because after her, Neverland never seemed too quiet. One day you know she’ll have to leave and I know you’ll think it’s because she doesn’t love you, that what else can you offer her. You’re left with that feeling in your chest that when she goes back got her old life, she’ll forget. 

You could have followed her back you know. But you chose to stay alone, you could’ve grown up, lived a happy life with her. But you chose the easy way out, you became just another sad story. One day she’ll remember, and maybe one day she’ll tell your story, one about a boy who chose never to grow up. Or maybe your fears will come true, maybe she’ll have forgottten you.

You became a bedtime story, filled with someones else’s dreams of a life you never had.

– second to the right, and straight on till morning.

Posted on by tashjcurry

you should have been more than just a love letter

i’m sorry i lost you,

i should have held your hand tighter

when i felt it slipping away.

i’m not sorry for loving you,

but i am sorry for never 

telling you sooner. 

i’m sorry that you will 

read these words when

you should have heard them.

i’m sorry that we never stood 

a chance to be more than 

these words.

–you should have been more than just a love letter.

Posted on by tashjcurry

all i wanted was to ask for your love.

there were so many things i wrote down,

so you could never hear them.

all the things i wanted to say.

it wasn’t that i didn’t want to tell you,

because i did,

i do.

but every time i tried

i couldn’t.

i couldn’t tell you

i loved you.

because you never belonged to me,

you were always in love with someone else.

so i wrote them down

in the hopes of maybe one day

you’d realise everything i did

was because i loved you

even if you could never love me.

– all i wanted was to ask for your love.

Posted on by tashjcurry

my heart will always break for you.

you’re trying not to tell her 

that you’ve miss her,

but you have and 

you always will.

but it’s been so long,

and you still feel the same

and that scares you 

because you’ll always be in love with her,

there’ll never be anyone else,

your hearts is hers.

you’re trying not to fall 

apart at the sight of her

but your hands tremble 

and your voice wavering.

it’s been so long since you saw 

her last

and everything comes rushing 

back, 

the echoes of memories

paralyse you

the pain is still there,

your heart still breaking 

for the woman you love

and the sad truth is that

it always will.

–my heart will always break for you.

Posted on by tashjcurry

i love you, always [x] i loved you, almost [x] I think I’ll love you forever [x]

in a few days you will leave, 

and i’ll be left with a broken heart.

i never knew the monster at the end of our book would be time, 

we were supposed to have forever to fall back together. 

you told me you broke it off with him, 

that you fell out of love. 

darling, 

you will be my biggest regret, 

i wasted so many months hoping you’d give me a second chance, 

and now it’s gone as fast as it came. 

maybe one day we’ll get our chance, 

until then i’ll settle with our almost,

somewhere out there i believe that we are together in another world,

another life.

and i’m the one who makes you happy.

– i love you, always [x] i loved you, almost [x] I think I’ll love you forever [x]

Posted on by tashjcurry

i will always be in love with you, in every lifetime.

this is my last goodbye my love,

to something that never was.

this is

my last letter,

a soft epilogue, 

an ending to maybe, 

finally 

close the book.

because

here lies our hopes,

our maybes,

what could have been.

maybe something that never was.

what i thought to have believed.

we were

a story that was tragically unwritten,

because i could never find the 

right words,

for us.

for you,

or for me

because maybe we could have been 

great, if only i had the courage 

to tell you how much i loved you 

while you were still here with me.

please

forgive me

for all i never said, 

for everything i longed to say.

i love you,

and you knew,

and that’s the tragedy. 

because i loved you 

with everything i had,

i guess it wasn’t enough 

in this universe 

but i hope it is in the 

next. 

– i will always be in love with you, in every lifetime.