My love,

I was never meant to fall in love with you. It was something I always told myself I could not do, because it would ruin everything. And I don’t want to ruin you. But somewhere over the last few months, I couldn’t help it. I tried to fight those feelings these past few years, and I think I made myself believe that it worked. But it hadn’t not really. Those feeling I kept hidden were in my blood, they were scattered in my words, you were suddenly everywhere.

I’m not asking for you to feel the same way because I don’t think you know what you want yet, and that’s okay, and maybe you wont ever feel the same way about me. But I need to tell you how I feel because if I don’t it might kill me. When we met, we were so young I was still figuring myself out but you always seemed so head strong, you seemed to know what you wanted and you went after that and to be honest I was envious that you could just do that, somethings haven’t change you always make me smile. When the summer came you left me for the first time, and all I remember was I didn’t like that absence, I missed you. As we grew over the summer we both made choices I choice to say where you always seemed to choice to leave, which it hurt but it was your choice. You were always good at leaving me, and with the final one, with our last chapter coming to a close I don’t think I can forgive you, I just want more time, that this can’t be the end, not without you hearing these words. Every so often you left me, but you always came back I never did like saying goodbye to you even if it wasn’t really a goodbye just a see you soon. We did this for a couple of years and those feelings that I felt  for you became dormant I was able to get on with my life without the thought of missing you, I moved on, kissed over people, fell in love with people I knew I shouldn’t. But I guess in the end they wouldn’t hurt as much as you.

As we came back together, we always clashed. We fought but it was never out of hate, I think it was because we loved one another in someway. I couldn’t tell you when I fell in love with you but I did. I never told you but you were always the one I wanted to tell everything too. I wish I had the courage to send you this letter, to just tell you how I feel, that maybe this could be more than one-sided, an unrequited love.

You told me things I wish I never heard, for me to picture you with someone else was heart-wrenching because sometimes I wished I could be that person for you, the one you wanted. And what was worse that some nights the ones you can’t remember you tried to kiss me, and I just couldn’t let you because it wouldn’t be a meaningless kiss for me, sometimes I wish it could be. But you don’t know who you’re looking for, and I don’t know if I’d fit into your life into your heart. In the moments we’re alone we’re always touching and sometimes darling it gives me hope that you could like me, but every time it happens I push these feelings down because if I don’t I’m scared that I’ll do something and it will ruin us, who’d have thought a kiss from your lips would be that dangerous? That my love for you could be our downfall.

I’m jealous, and it pains me to say it, he’s kissed you and you’ve slept with her, and I’m here writing you this letter hoping one day you’ll feel the same. You’re a pipe dream and I wish I didn’t feel like this. I wish just for once the girl I love feels the same way. Maybe one day. In another life, I wouldn’t feel like this. Theres a universe somewhere… I can’t keep hoping like this that maybe you could be as madly in love with me as I am with you.

You will leave, and it wont be like the first time because I know in my heart you wont be coming back. After everything I don’t want to lose this, lose you. I never thought I’d have to write an ending for you, because somewhere I always believed you’d stay. That you could have been the one to stay.

Our story would read, for one fell in love and the other would leave never knowing you broke their heart. When you leave you will break this heart, and somewhere I’ll still be here hoping you’ll come back. I love you, more than I ever knew, maybe one day you’ll know or maybe one day you’ll finally read these words and realise they are meant for you.