Posted on by tashjcurry

i can finally say time has healed all memory of you.

it was on that rainy november night three hearts broke. as we stood in the pouring rain on your porch steps, the cold seeping it’s way into my bones. i stood facing the women i loved, i knew a chapter was closing as i reached for her hand, the tears falling from her face. for i knew in my heart it wasn’t just the chapter ending it was the book. there was nothing left to do, there was nothing i could do she made the choice for the both of us. we wouldn’t be the same after this. there would be nothing left after that night. 

the rain pored down but it didn’t matter as we were in our own world, if was the last time i’d ever see her i should have held her tighter. we just stood holding each other. i kept saying ‘it’s okay’, that was lie i told myself and it didn’t help. what i should have said was ‘ i love you. please don’t give up on us’. 

i remember leaving, walking away from you, my heart broke with every step. i walked your street so many times i didn’t know it would become a memory from another time when i left. i never thought then you’d become a memory. but you made that choice for me, so there was no other option. you became a memory constantly fading from my heart ever since i left you on that porch in the pouring rain. 

oh how you broke so many hearts. 

–i can finally say time has healed all memory of you. 

Posted on by tashjcurry

time heals everything but you

i hate the how they say time heals all wounds, truth be told it doesn’t. because it still hurts the sound of your name, a fading memory, the old pictures. my heart breaks still when i see you, it’s less frequent now and i don’t know if i should be relived or just sad because we’re not the same, you not the person i fell in love with. our conversations become shorter, the texts i send never get a reply. i hate how time has done this to us. 

i love you and time has made a mockery of my words because darling there’s still so much i have to say but i just don’t know how. it’s not like before. we’re not as close as we once were, but i still miss you like it was yesterday. darling i have these words, i just wouldn’t know where to start. maybe i’m holding onto something that ended long ago and time still hasn’t caught up with my heart telling me it’s time to move on, to let you go. 

i wish i could heal and move on, find someone new. instead of trying to write chapters of a book that finished years ago. i’ve been in love with you for seven years and there are too many unsaid ‘i love you’s’, scattered in these letters. so many words unsaid left in this broken heart of mine, these letters of a lost love just fading, left to dust after all these years. 

darling, these words never sounded the same after you.

–time heals everything but you. 

Posted on by tashjcurry

just in case….

it’s been too long,

the years have taken 

it tole on this 

withered heart. 

am i allowed to

say i still miss you?

or has too much

time passed?

is it cruel to wish 

that you feel the same.

that sometimes i hope 

you think of me,

and all we used to be.

i wish things were

different. 

i wish i didn’t feel 

like this.

i wish i could leave 

you in the past.

but know a part of me 

will always be here

loving you in 

these pages. 

–just in case….

Posted on by tashjcurry

i fear that time can’t heal the heartbreak of you.

my heart became a graveyard,

i don’t ever think time could heal 

it belonged to the 

echos of lost loves,

the forgotten memories.

darling it’s been years 

and i’m still being 

haunted by you,

i’m here among the living 

loving a forgotten feeling 

trying to find you still

in the eyes of other people.

i fear i always will.

i’m still loving 

an echo of a memory

that time can’t touch. 

–i fear that time can’t heal the heartbreak of you. 

Posted on by tashjcurry

time changes us, i guess my love changed too.

you were sat opposite me, 

darling it had been so long. 

i’d longed for this moment, 

just to see you.

i wanted to tell you 

that i missed you.

that a year without you 

killed me 

in many ways,

it brought an uncontrollable sadness.

yet i couldn’t tell you the truth,

because a year apart had changed us.

but still i felt the same,

i still loved you.

i’ve loved you for a lifetime.

it feels like. 

so we sat and talked,

we fell back into each other,

and oh how it hurt my broken heart. 

because you loved another.

you were here 

and still somehow 

i was still missing you.

-time chages us, i guess my love changed too.

Posted on by tashjcurry

first love, lessons learned.

your first love was a boy, who was handsome, hot headed, heartless is what he became. i’m sorry he never cared for you or anybody else, for i think he just craved love and was never satisfied with the feeling. and i know you loved him longer than you should. but as the years passed you loved others but i don’t think you liked the whole idea of the lessons learned by loosing, by your heartbreaking, by leaving. 

you hated him, the way he used you but you hated him more because you still loved him even when he left, it took years to shake that feeling. that young love tainted with remorse. i hated the way i’d always ask myself:

‘why was i never enough for you’.

‘why did you fucking leave me…. over and over again’.

‘why did i let you take my love because you never deserved it’.

i hate that in the years we spent together, your anger became mine, you never gave me love just hatred. 

you were a broken boy and foolishly i loved you with everything i had, but with all that anger and all that hatred i never feared falling because you never made me whole darling, so tell me how could i break?

-first love, lessons learned.

Posted on by tashjcurry

my body is a cage

this isn’t my skin, nor my body. i’m trapped in this cage. my soul, my heart does not beat the same. this isn’t me? this doesn’t feel right. i don’t think it ever did. as i write these words nothing makes sense. this can’t be it. this isn’t my life. this body is foreign to me, this isn’t my skin. my soul is screaming can’t you see? all this rage, all that anger i know where it stems from, it’s because i feel lost, that this isn’t me. you’re trapped, your hearts breaking, your soul is tormenting you. 

you know what you have to do. it won’t be easy. your life never was. i’m sorry you’ve felt this way for so long, you were so quiet it was like you could forget the pain, the suffering if only for a second in the silence, in the peace that you’d be stronger tomorrow. soon you’ll be able to breath and exhale. 

things will change, you will be able to begin again. there is always the hope that comes with starting a new. 

–my body is a cage. 

Posted on by tashjcurry

my last christmas wish

this was the first christmas where i wasn’t missing you, i wasn’t sad that you weren’t with me. it didn’t snow this year but sometimes we don’t get everything we wished for. it was the year where i could finally sit and watch ‘la la land’ without crying in the final fifteen minutes. i was happy, content with the fact that this year my heart didn’t ache like it used too when the cold came and the nights became darker. i think i was finally healing after so long of breaking. i didn’t miss you, but in the last few minutes as the clock was going to strike dawn i did think of you and hoped you were happy. that i wish you nothing but the best for you my love. but the final wish was for me not you, too many of them had been for you. next year i would ask for love, and as the last days of december approached i hoped that for the new year would bring me some joy. but then in the last few minutes under the christmas lights, the movie playing in the background i allowed myself to think of you, one last time. 

–my last christmas wish.

Posted on by tashjcurry

i was just a soldier who gave their heart to a goddess

you loved girl 

who was filled with a fiery rage,

with this anger,

with war. 

with time

tragedy became her

but she was so much more

than that.

she held oceans in her eyes,

had galaxies in her heart,

there was stars in her blood.

she was a goddess,

and how could i love her?

with bloody knuckles,

broken bones,

fighting a losing war. 

i was no god, 

just a solider.

a weapon. 

how could she love me?

after what i’d done,

all i endured. 

i was damned,

left for ruin. 

war was not kind on the living.

it never was, 

yet she loved me all the same.

for i believe  

she took my heart

and i’d be damned to love her 

with every part of my soul. 

for i would always welcome ruin

if it meant i could keep 

loving her.

– i was just a soldier who gave their heart to a goddess.

Posted on by tashjcurry

i loved you within these memories

I know I’m lost, but I’m somewhere within these memories. Yet I know I should leave, that I can’t stay. But there is peace in knowing somewhere within these memories I’m still with you. 

I’m trying to remember the good, that maybe if we got a second chance things would be different. That we could have been different, if only to forget. I just don’t want to forget what we had, and all these memories. I know with time, we’ll fade, that it’ll be gone. I just want to enjoy those memories of you. Those were the times where I was happy. 

The world will forget by the ones who forgot we were there in the sunshine of their spotless minds, each one accepting they will never remember those memories like they were when it happened, but for a second they’ll be happy never knowing what they lost. 

I wish to remember, I really do. But I know I’ll have to leave those memories soon, even if it breaks my heart to leave. I just want you to know that I wish I could’ve stayed.

– i loved you within these memories.