i’m sorry i lost you,
i should have held your hand tighter
when i felt it slipping away.
i’m not sorry for loving you,
but i am sorry for never
telling you sooner.
i’m sorry that you will
read these words when
you should have heard them.
i’m sorry that we never stood
a chance to be more than
these words.
–you should have been more than just a love letter.
maybe we were always meant to break each others hearts, maybe that’s the way our story would always go. but that doesn’t mean that our love wasn’t true, that we didn’t love each other with everything we had. maybe we never stood a chance to be more than that in this life, but maybe somewhere else we could be. maybe we could have been better for each other if only we let down our walls. if only we stopped to love each other rather than trying to find love in other people. my love we could have been so much more that what we were. and i came so close to seeing your heart before you broke mine. but the story was always going to be the same, we would always destroy each other in the name of love.
–she always said love was a kind of killing.
you’re trying not to tell her
that you’ve miss her,
but you have and
you always will.
but it’s been so long,
and you still feel the same
and that scares you
because you’ll always be in love with her,
there’ll never be anyone else,
your hearts is hers.
you’re trying not to fall
apart at the sight of her
but your hands tremble
and your voice wavering.
it’s been so long since you saw
her last
and everything comes rushing
back,
the echoes of memories
paralyse you
the pain is still there,
your heart still breaking
for the woman you love
and the sad truth is that
it always will.
–my heart will always break for you.
it was easier when you were gone,
i could keep the dream alive.
i could convince myself that it was
bad timing, a hopeless dream,
a trick of fate
was the reason we weren’t together,
that it wasn’t because of me.
that i wasn’t scared to love you.
but now your coming home
and that’s all i wanted,
for so long,
for you to be here with me.
but i know it was a hopeless dream,
another life,
but it wasn’t made for us
but i can’t let go of that dream
because it’s the only thing I’ve been able to
hold onto…
and i know
this would never last,
but it was easier when it was just a dream
because you’ll come back
and break my heart all over again.
and darling it was just healing.
– i was just starting to be able to live without you. but it doesn’t mean that i don’t love you still…
Over the years, the pain, those memories started to fade. I started to heal. My heart didn’t hurt from the thought of you or ache for the sound of your name. I stopped looking for you in the eyes of other people, I passed in the street. I moved on with my life, but sometimes when I sat down to write you always came to my mind, were you happy, did you find somebody else. Did you sometimes still think of me and what we had, what we could have been. Sometimes I hope I’d find you in my words, in our memories. I always wanted to check up on you but I couldn’t bring myself to know if you’d fallen for someone who wasn’t me, and I know what we had happened a long time ago now but you my love hold a special place in my heart. I just wanted to remember us, and the way were were all those years ago when we were younger, happier.
– i don’t want to lose that one perfect memory of us.
this is my last goodbye my love,
to something that never was.
this is
my last letter,
a soft epilogue,
an ending to maybe,
finally
close the book.
because
here lies our hopes,
our maybes,
what could have been.
maybe something that never was.
what i thought to have believed.
we were
a story that was tragically unwritten,
because i could never find the
right words,
for us.
for you,
or for me
because maybe we could have been
great, if only i had the courage
to tell you how much i loved you
while you were still here with me.
please
forgive me
for all i never said,
for everything i longed to say.
i love you,
and you knew,
and that’s the tragedy.
because i loved you
with everything i had,
i guess it wasn’t enough
in this universe
but i hope it is in the
next.
– i will always be in love with you, in every lifetime.
you will always be an almost.
something that never was.
we were just a dream.
a perfect heartbreaking dream.
maybe that dream will become a story,
one day.
maybe in that story we’ll be something
more than an almost.
something that will withstand the test of time.
maybe someday,
maybe we’ll always be a dream
i had.
but i know
we had something,
there was something,
maybe it was love.
maybe it wasn’t.
but in this life,
we’ll always be an almost love.
– this dream was always playing round my head, you were always in my heart.
You know you can’t have her. She’s not yours to have. But she fascinates you. I think it’s because she knows her worth. She knows she is beautiful, she knows her smile lights up rooms. She knows she can make you fall in love. You want a girl you can’t have, and that will kill you. She’s the girl you read poems about, the girl who will set you on fire to keep herself warm, yet you won’t mind. She is the poison in your blood; she will stop your heart. This girl seems to have everything, yet she hasn’t got something that you have, she doesn’t love herself. She has no hope. But you will love her anyway in spite of everything she will put you through. She is your downfall, your greatest destruction. Her hearts vacant and your ‘I love yous’ don’t work because sometimes loves not enough and words don’t work. And there’s no way you can turn a tragedy like her into poetry.
– perhaps the most tragic fate of all is to fall in love and to be punished for it.
By the law of the multiverse there must be a universe out there where I made the right choices and they led me to loving you. But on the other hand my dear, there’s so many different stories, endless possibilities, questionable choices I must have made. And the heartbreaking realisation…that fatal conclusion that out there somewhere there’s a universe in which where we don’t end up together.
So there must be a universe where we’re together. I hope in that universe I didn’t wait until the end of the story to tell you that I loved you, that it was always you. That it should have been you from the very beginning, I’m sorry my love I got lost in someone else eyes, when it should have been you I was falling for. In this universe, the one in which I’m writing this I never told you how much you meant to me. I waited too long, I never found the right words. There was never the right time and you my love found somebody else. But somewhere, in another time, another world I hope I found the right words, I hope you found me amongst these pages. I hope I found you.
There’s a universe one in which when we met all those years ago when we were young and in love, we never had to go down separate paths forced by fate. We were never given a choice to choose each other in that story. And at the end, after everything, after all of those labours we faced we were told we couldn’t find our way back to each other, that it was the will of the gods. How cruel that the universes got to decide if we could ever be together, after everything, all those sacrifices. After being separated for centuries at the hands of the gods our love became forgotten by history, and I guess we slowly forgot too. But this time, in this story the laws of the universe, fate, the gods could never separate us again because falling in love with one another was our fate all along, and that should have been our story.
But those are just other dreams, memories, distant stories of hopes of maybe and might have beens.
There’s a universe where we never met, and we go our whole lives missing something that we can never find. And the sad thing is that we would never know what we’re missing. There are ones where we are strangers who never connected, passing one another on the street pained with a heavy feeling in their chests.
There had to be one story, the one wrong universe where we couldn’t have had a happy ending. There had to be one universe my love, and it was a tragedy that it had to be this one. I hope you find these words in whatever time my love, the ones I longed to stay but never did.
I’m sorry for all I never said, all of the things you never heard in this universe. Maybe we’ll be happy in the next, maybe in another life. Maybe, just maybe.
Here lies my love for you, scattered in words unspoken, letters I’ve never sent. It would only be here in my words with the hope that one day you would read them.
If you love someone don’t wait to tell them. I always make excuses that it was never the right time, never the right moment. I had months to tell you that I loved you. But I didn’t because honestly I was scared. Because loving you terrifies me, and I know deep down you’re the only person who can hurt me. I never thought I would have fallen for you, but after all these years how could I not. Love never did come easy to me and I could never hold on, it always slipped through my fingers. I knew you would break my heart, and you did because you found her.
I wanted to tell you everything but I couldn’t ruin what we have. You are one of the only good things in my life. I couldn’t lose you. And to be honest I couldn’t hear those words out your mouth
“I’m sorry. I don’t love you in that way”.
So how do you kill a feeling? Here are all these words left unsaid buried with my love for you. Where the thought of us can be laid to rest with the all the hopes of maybes and might have beens. I want you to be happy and you deserve her, you deserve love. And I know you think you don’t, but my love you deserve it the most. I just hope your happy, I hope she makes you happy.
Maybe one day you’ll realise everything I ever wrote was about you. And I hope you’ll know that whenever your reading this, if you ever find these words in another place, another time.
I loved you, and I’m sorry I never did tell you sooner.
But you’re happy so I guess something after better left unsaid.
tash writes 