I didn’t say it enough, those three words.
I never told you how I felt about you, my love.
I never said:
i love you.
i’m in love with you.
all i wanted was you.
So I wrote it all down, here in these pages.
Waiting for you to find them.
And god I hope you find them…
one day.
–i’m in love with you, now i’ve said it.
I hope there are different universes out there. One’s where I made different choices, chose different paths. Told different stories, that weren’t filled with such heartache. A universe in which I am with you, one where we are together, and we’re happy. One where we haven’t been separated by fate made to walk down different paths, forced into making different choices, choosing other people instead of each other.
Somewhere I believe that we’re happy, in another universe my darling, another lifetime, a distant story.
–my heart still breaks for every story in which we don’t end up together.
In this story you are not Patroclus and I Achilles. Our end would not be one for history to turn us into a mere tragedy, one where you had the courage that I did not. This is not the story where I hold your lifeless body to my now un-beating heart.
In this story we don’t lose each other because of my fate, to a war we cannot win, to the likely hood of death. Death cannot touch us because in this story I choose you over glory, my mothers wishes, over everything else the gods had planned for me.
In this story our love prevails, and we end up happy.
–name one hero who was happy.. you can’t.
I looked at you, and you at me. Our eyes met and I remembered the past that we had, the love we shared. That our story ended years ago now.
I felt like I was back at the beginning of our story, and our story was not bound in dust, forgotten, pushed right back into the bookcase, left to never be open again.
In that moment I wished I could go back in time, back to that moment in which I told you that I hadn’t got the courage you had, to the moment I told you that I did not love you, the moment I broke my heart.
I wish we met five years later, I wish you met me when I knew what I wanted, not when I was eighteen. But I guess some stories are better left untouched, we just had bad timing my love. But my god, if we loved again I swear I’d love you right.
-it was just bad timing
I can’t want this anymore,
I can’t want you anymore.
I don’t want to write about the possibility of us when
I know this isn’t a story of you and me.
It never was.
It never will be.
I need to find a new love,
someone I can love,
someone who will love me.
That will be the story,
the one I want to write.
– i want to write a different story, one where the hero ends up happy.
you will always be an almost.
something that never was.
we were just a dream.
a perfect heartbreaking dream.
maybe that dream will become a story,
one day.
maybe in that story we’ll be something
more than an almost.
something that will withstand the test of time.
maybe someday,
maybe we’ll always be a dream
i had.
but i know
we had something,
there was something,
maybe it was love.
maybe it wasn’t.
but in this life,
we’ll always be an almost love.
– this dream was always playing round my head, you were always in my heart.
You know you can’t have her. She’s not yours to have. But she fascinates you. I think it’s because she knows her worth. She knows she is beautiful, she knows her smile lights up rooms. She knows she can make you fall in love. You want a girl you can’t have, and that will kill you. She’s the girl you read poems about, the girl who will set you on fire to keep herself warm, yet you won’t mind. She is the poison in your blood; she will stop your heart. This girl seems to have everything, yet she hasn’t got something that you have, she doesn’t love herself. She has no hope. But you will love her anyway in spite of everything she will put you through. She is your downfall, your greatest destruction. Her hearts vacant and your ‘I love yous’ don’t work because sometimes loves not enough and words don’t work. And there’s no way you can turn a tragedy like her into poetry.
– perhaps the most tragic fate of all is to fall in love and to be punished for it.
It was the fatal flaw
all of
humanity possessed,
to love
and be loved.
My fatal flaw was you,
my love.
all i wanted was you.
I would’ve
blindly followed you
to the ends of the earth,
come heaven and hell
because i loved you.
But like gods do,
you could never loved a
mere mortal
like me
without fear of a tragedy.
you were golden like the sun,
and i the moon,
dark and unforgiving.
with a heart that was breaking,
just to feel the warmth of your love.
– you could not have loved a god and expected anything less than a tragedy.
By the law of the multiverse there must be a universe out there where I made the right choices and they led me to loving you. But on the other hand my dear, there’s so many different stories, endless possibilities, questionable choices I must have made. And the heartbreaking realisation…that fatal conclusion that out there somewhere there’s a universe in which where we don’t end up together.
So there must be a universe where we’re together. I hope in that universe I didn’t wait until the end of the story to tell you that I loved you, that it was always you. That it should have been you from the very beginning, I’m sorry my love I got lost in someone else eyes, when it should have been you I was falling for. In this universe, the one in which I’m writing this I never told you how much you meant to me. I waited too long, I never found the right words. There was never the right time and you my love found somebody else. But somewhere, in another time, another world I hope I found the right words, I hope you found me amongst these pages. I hope I found you.
There’s a universe one in which when we met all those years ago when we were young and in love, we never had to go down separate paths forced by fate. We were never given a choice to choose each other in that story. And at the end, after everything, after all of those labours we faced we were told we couldn’t find our way back to each other, that it was the will of the gods. How cruel that the universes got to decide if we could ever be together, after everything, all those sacrifices. After being separated for centuries at the hands of the gods our love became forgotten by history, and I guess we slowly forgot too. But this time, in this story the laws of the universe, fate, the gods could never separate us again because falling in love with one another was our fate all along, and that should have been our story.
But those are just other dreams, memories, distant stories of hopes of maybe and might have beens.
There’s a universe where we never met, and we go our whole lives missing something that we can never find. And the sad thing is that we would never know what we’re missing. There are ones where we are strangers who never connected, passing one another on the street pained with a heavy feeling in their chests.
There had to be one story, the one wrong universe where we couldn’t have had a happy ending. There had to be one universe my love, and it was a tragedy that it had to be this one. I hope you find these words in whatever time my love, the ones I longed to stay but never did.
I’m sorry for all I never said, all of the things you never heard in this universe. Maybe we’ll be happy in the next, maybe in another life. Maybe, just maybe.
Here lies my love for you, scattered in words unspoken, letters I’ve never sent. It would only be here in my words with the hope that one day you would read them.
If you love someone don’t wait to tell them. I always make excuses that it was never the right time, never the right moment. I had months to tell you that I loved you. But I didn’t because honestly I was scared. Because loving you terrifies me, and I know deep down you’re the only person who can hurt me. I never thought I would have fallen for you, but after all these years how could I not. Love never did come easy to me and I could never hold on, it always slipped through my fingers. I knew you would break my heart, and you did because you found her.
I wanted to tell you everything but I couldn’t ruin what we have. You are one of the only good things in my life. I couldn’t lose you. And to be honest I couldn’t hear those words out your mouth
“I’m sorry. I don’t love you in that way”.
So how do you kill a feeling? Here are all these words left unsaid buried with my love for you. Where the thought of us can be laid to rest with the all the hopes of maybes and might have beens. I want you to be happy and you deserve her, you deserve love. And I know you think you don’t, but my love you deserve it the most. I just hope your happy, I hope she makes you happy.
Maybe one day you’ll realise everything I ever wrote was about you. And I hope you’ll know that whenever your reading this, if you ever find these words in another place, another time.
I loved you, and I’m sorry I never did tell you sooner.
But you’re happy so I guess something after better left unsaid.
tash writes 