i never knew that when your heart breaks that wouldn’t be the worse part, it would be what follows. it was the fading memories that you can’t seem to hold onto, even though your trying just to hold onto that feeling, even if it’s just for a little longer. sometimes i can still feel the ghost of the fantom pain of your hand in mine, your thumb running over my knuckles. i’m forgetting the feeling of you in my arms. i’m struggling to remember the sound of my name from your lips, and that one smile you reserved just for me, that twinkle in your eyes. sometimes the days blur in those moments, those feelings are slowly fading from my memory, but only sometimes there’ll be an echo. now i can’t remember out last kiss, the way it felt on my lips. and the ways you would whisper ‘ i love yous’ between kisses, and the little things like the sound of your laugh. it’s not even like i can rewrite them to try and recreate them, it’s in those moments of finding memories i wish for them all back, just to be able to relive them, to be able to write them down, just too hold onto. i wished you stayed because then the heartache meant you were still here with me, and not like this. maybe i’ll forget everything with time, but i don’t think my heart truly will. i think i’ll always remember, like the night you left, the tears streaming down your face, the way my voice broke when i begged you for a second chance, that i wanted you to stay. i’ll remember the aftermath that followed as we sat down on your front door step, the cold seeping in, i remember the pain in your voice when you said you didn’t love me. i wish heartbreak was easier, because i want to forget, i want to forget you. but someway i knew i never would, our story was never a happy one. and one day i’ll find peace with that.

– the stages of heartbreak.