Posted on by tashjcurry

time changes us, i guess my love changed too.

you were sat opposite me, 

darling it had been so long. 

i’d longed for this moment, 

just to see you.

i wanted to tell you 

that i missed you.

that a year without you 

killed me 

in many ways,

it brought an uncontrollable sadness.

yet i couldn’t tell you the truth,

because a year apart had changed us.

but still i felt the same,

i still loved you.

i’ve loved you for a lifetime.

it feels like. 

so we sat and talked,

we fell back into each other,

and oh how it hurt my broken heart. 

because you loved another.

you were here 

and still somehow 

i was still missing you.

-time chages us, i guess my love changed too.

Posted on by tashjcurry

all i wanted was to ask for your love.

there were so many things i wrote down,

so you could never hear them.

all the things i wanted to say.

it wasn’t that i didn’t want to tell you,

because i did,

i do.

but every time i tried

i couldn’t.

i couldn’t tell you

i loved you.

because you never belonged to me,

you were always in love with someone else.

so i wrote them down

in the hopes of maybe one day

you’d realise everything i did

was because i loved you

even if you could never love me.

– all i wanted was to ask for your love.

Posted on by tashjcurry

my heart will always break for you.

you’re trying not to tell her 

that you’ve miss her,

but you have and 

you always will.

but it’s been so long,

and you still feel the same

and that scares you 

because you’ll always be in love with her,

there’ll never be anyone else,

your hearts is hers.

you’re trying not to fall 

apart at the sight of her

but your hands tremble 

and your voice wavering.

it’s been so long since you saw 

her last

and everything comes rushing 

back, 

the echoes of memories

paralyse you

the pain is still there,

your heart still breaking 

for the woman you love

and the sad truth is that

it always will.

–my heart will always break for you.

Posted on by tashjcurry

i love you, always [x] i loved you, almost [x] I think I’ll love you forever [x]

in a few days you will leave, 

and i’ll be left with a broken heart.

i never knew the monster at the end of our book would be time, 

we were supposed to have forever to fall back together. 

you told me you broke it off with him, 

that you fell out of love. 

darling, 

you will be my biggest regret, 

i wasted so many months hoping you’d give me a second chance, 

and now it’s gone as fast as it came. 

maybe one day we’ll get our chance, 

until then i’ll settle with our almost,

somewhere out there i believe that we are together in another world,

another life.

and i’m the one who makes you happy.

– i love you, always [x] i loved you, almost [x] I think I’ll love you forever [x]

Posted on by tashjcurry

i was just starting to be able to live without you. but it doesn’t mean that i don’t love you still…

it was easier when you were gone, 

i could keep the dream alive.

i could convince myself that it was

bad timing, a hopeless dream, 

a trick of fate

was the reason we weren’t together,

that it wasn’t because of me.

that i wasn’t scared to love you.

but now your coming home

and that’s all i wanted,

for so long,

for you to be here with me.

but i know it was a hopeless dream,

another life,

but it wasn’t made for us

but i can’t let go of that dream

because it’s the only thing I’ve been able to 

hold onto…

and i know 

this would never last,

but it was easier when it was just a dream 

because you’ll come back

and break my heart all over again. 

and darling it was just healing.

– i was just starting to be able to live without you. but it doesn’t mean that i don’t love you still…

Posted on by tashjcurry

there was never more of a heartbreaking word than ‘almost’.

what if i told you i loved you,

would that have changed anything?

would have it been a different story?

we were this almost,

but it was never enough 

not for them,

not for us.

i almost told you i loved you,

you almost loved me.

i almost believed you, 

you almost stayed.

we were an almost, 

could have been, 

something that never was,

in love. 

– there was never more of a heartbreaking word than ‘almost’

Posted on by tashjcurry

she’s in love with somebody else.

You told me you love her as we sat outside, dawn was approaching, the cold setting in, at this point of our story alone you already have broken my heart too many times to count now. My heart shattered once again, why did I ever think this could be a happy story, why did I think we could have been something more than this, more than friends. I know you don’t love me, but I want you to know now because I’ve had too many sleepless nights wishing you were in my arms knowing you were in hers. And I want you to be happy, that’s all I wanted but the thought of you and her just kills me. I could tell you how long I’ve felt like this but somewhere overs the years my feeling for you kinda stuck up on me, looking back they were always there but I never believed anything could come of it because I couldn’t bare it if you didn’t love me, and I didn’t want another unrequited love. So those feeling I push back down into a box I would never open because I fear if I ever did I would have lost you. As we sat I could feel my heart aching as you said those words, the ones I  longed to say about you. There was only once maybe there could have been the possibility of you and me,  but as we stayed there words between us, all the ones I never said, all those I should have said to you when I had the chance. There was a pain hidden in my eyes but darling you could read me like a book. Somewhere deep down I think you knew how I felt, I had years to tell you I should never had waited till the end to write this hoping you’d see that it should have been me, that I wanted you. All I ever wanted was you. 

– she’s in love with somebody else.

Posted on by tashjcurry

an unrequited love. a series by me, part one

If someone had told me five years ago, when this began, that this one girl would have been so important in my story.

I wouldn’t have believed you.

If someone told me that I would eventually fall for you, I would have laughed it off, hell even a year ago it wouldn’t have even passed my mind, the thought of loving you. Yet here we are and I’m sat writing this, rather than telling you how I feel.

So here lies a series of letters for you, for me. To be able to get this off my chest. To maybe, finally start to let you go.

Let’s begin where I realised I saw you as more than a friend. I couldn’t pin point the moment I started to like you, it probably creeped it’s way in over time because honestly it was impossible for someone not to love you. But for me it was probably around Christmas time, on that cold December night. The snow hadn’t started to fall yet but I always hoped it would. We were on a night out, which happened every Christmas and you looked beautiful as always. Up to this moment in time I’d had some pretty fleeting moments with you, which started to lead me to falling down that rabbit hole of endless possibilities of maybes of hopes of some days. Like maybe, just maybe this could mean something, this could be real, you and me. We were always playful, that constant back a forth. I never thought I’d have to question it, that it was our thing we’d always been like that since the day we met, but how wrong was I, you did this with everyone and I wasn’t special. And it hurt because I wanted to mean something to you.

You were the only one holding together my broken heart, because on that night I saw her again. I hadn’t seen her for almost a year since she left, and I know she was your friend but I had loved her for a long time but I could never call her mine, I never had the chance because she had him. And she deserved better, she deserved someone who would love her wholeheartedly. It didn’t help that a few weeks before that night you told me that she ended it, and she deserved so much better than him and a part of me always wished I could have had that chance, if only I had the courage, if only I had found the right words. But if I ever did, my heartbreak, this story wouldn’t have led me to you.

It was under the neon lights where she looked happier, care free, like the girl I had loved all those months ago. She was with some of her friends laughing and dancing to the music, but when our eyes finally met, she smiled and somewhere, somehow we collided in the mists of people like nothing else mattered and honestly I melted into her arms and everything for a second fell back into place, like we hadn’t been apart, like nothing had changed. Like she didn’t leave me with a broken heart all those months ago. We held each other for what felt like an eternity but I knew I needed to let go.

That’s enough about her, this was always going to be about you and me.

After that reunion I needed some air but somehow I always found my way back to you after I finished chatting to some people I knew outside. You were in the middle of the dance floor, you’d had a few drinks but that never stopped you, you always went after what you wanted, what made you happy. You pulled me in for a dance, and I hate dancing but I never minded it when it was with you but we were interrupted by the guy who had a crush on you, and he took you away to ‘talk‘. And you left me watching as you went. As the night flew by, with a few fleeting glances here and there, I called it a night.

I went to say goodbye to her I needed to let her go but foolishly I let myself be pulled back in to our bubble, she made me feel like we were the only two in the room. I knew that I wouldn’t see her again for a long time so I gave in, as she was in my arms I held her tight trying to savor the moment like nothing else mattered as she buried her head into my chest, we stood like that on the dance floor for quite some time, it was now or never and I stupidly let slip that I missed her, she laughed and tighten her grip on me. My heart rapidly beated out my chest waiting for her response. “I miss you too”. You broke my heart for a second time that night and I knew I had to leave and it pained me as tried to remember how safe I felt in your arms. No matter what I felt for her I would always come back to you.

You were at the bar when I found you, and as we said goodnight you pulled me into your arms. You were never a hugger but I like to think that with me that changed. As I pulled to go, you kissed my cheek and I havent forgotten it since.

It was that one that cold December night when you kissed me everything changed, but sometimes I wish it didn’t because out of all these crushes and hopeless fantasies, you’re the one that I don’t think I can get over, the one I can’t forget.

love always.

tash

Posted on by tashjcurry

this is my advice, go tell her you love her.

i know you’re in love her, 

and you’re happy. 

and i don’t want to ruin that

because i love you that that’s 

the selfless thing to do.

just to let you be,

and maybe 

let this die

but i need to say it,

if not to you 

for myself 

i’ve loved you for a very long time,

probably longer than i realised.

i just didn’t realise until i was too late,

too late to tell you.

now you’re happy with her,

after thinking you might never find 

happiness.

i wish i could have told you that you 

my love deserved all the happiness in 

the world.

and after everything i’m ready to admit 

that i could have given it to you.

that you could have been happy with me.

if only you knew

how many times 

i should have told you 

i love you.

maybe i should have held 

onto you tighter,

when i had the chance.

maybe i should have done 

a lot of things 

differently with us,

and this wouldn’t have ended with 

a broken heart and these letters of a 

lost love. 

– this is my advice, go tell her now.

Posted on by tashjcurry

in another place, in another time what could we have been?

darling there was so many things

i wanted to say to you,

those things i never said when i had the chance.

all the words left unspoken,

all these confessions of a lost love

never to find peace amongst these pages.

nor to find solace in your arms,

or heaven on your lips.

i know we couldn’t be together in this world,

nor at this time

this place.

fate was never on our side.

you belonged to her,

and i would always belong to you

but

we could never belong to each other,

never at the same time.

so i hope

if other universe exist,

somewhere out there

if the fates allow

we chose each other,

and we end up happy.

– in another place, in another time what could we have been?