Posted on by tashjcurry

the regret of you still breaks my heart.

i’ll always have regrets 

when it comes to you. 

i was foolish letting time 

just pass me by, 

thinking you’d wait for 

when i was ready. 

i regret not having the 

courage to tell you how i felt,

when it was fucking obvious 

that i loved you.

i wish it was easier for me,

to just admit how i’m feeling 

because there was so many 

times i should have said 

‘i love you’,

but i chose that i 

wasn’t going to be 

that person for you, 

i couldn’t,

i wouldn’t

be the one to ruin us.

and that fear,

that fucking fear

broke my heart

because i lost out on you.

i regret not realising sooner

my feelings all those years ago.

it made sense, i hated when 

you left. 

each time my heart broke. 

it never got easier watching 

you leave. 

it never got easier loving you 

when you loved another. 

my love, it never got easier

living with the regret of you. 

– the regret of you still breaks my heart. 

Posted on by tashjcurry

the city was home to my heartbreak. that’s where it’ll stay.

the city felt lonely. there was this sadness, an emptiness. my heart could feel the cold seeping in. as i walked the crowed street i went to reach for your hand, you weren’t there. i stopped dead in my tracks. you were a memory. 

that’s all i had let of you, memories. there was nothing else, you took everything when you left. my heart was empty, and the city was home to all this heartbreak. as i walked the streets i was reminded of you. nothing else. 

how could this city haunt me, how could it break my heart. how could i keep walking these streets, knowing they were leading me back to you. 

–the city was home to my heartbreak. that’s where it’ll stay.

Posted on by tashjcurry

every winter i long for that warmth.

I remember our first kiss; we were walking down the street in the cool September air, I never told you that your touch warmed those seventeen winters in my bones with those sixteen summers in yours. You warmed my broken soul. As the winters went on, as the years we were apart, I tried to hold on to the memories we had but the cold came and my hands went numb, I felt the cold come through the cracks in my soul, the parts that had slowly started to mend, fell apart.

The cold tormented me for a very long time, until everything I was became cold and numb. I was hollow, nothing but a shell of the person who loved you then. Nothing could warm me, not even our memories. And even now sometimes winter reminds me of how cold I became, how broken I was…and sometimes I still wish for your warmth. 

I was consumed, that winter broke me apart. It felt like when I lost you a light went out and the darkness came, but it didn’t happen straight way. It was always there just out of reach waiting for me to break. The darkness never bothered me, not until you, I guess it wouldn’t until I had my first heartbreak. Not till you broke my heart. 

It wasn’t like I hadn’t been hurt before, it wasn’t because I’d lost people that I loved, because I had. But this was the one that I struggled to let go of. Everything that came before seemed so much simpler, easier to forget… I don’t know if it was because I was getting older, maybe more mature, maybe I was letting you affect me more than anymore else ever did. Maybe after everything I did I wanted to feel something other than numbness. 

I never let you in, not really. And that was a tragedy in it’s self because I could have loved you more than these words that tried to hold me together, the ones I write when I try to remember us and all we could have been. There was a time where I wished we could have been more than this, there was a time where I wished I could have been more for you. If I knew then what choice I was going to make, I would have held onto your warmth until it burned. 

– every winter i long for that warmth.

Posted on by tashjcurry

i can’t remember that feeling, but i still remember loving you.

maybe i still hold onto us too tightly, even after all these years because i need to remember how it felt to fall in love. i need to remember how it felt to be loved, to have my heart broken because now it’s all fading and it’s been too long to grasp at those memories of you. 

i can’t keep feeling like this, i’m scared that one day i’ll feel nothing, that without love what am i? without love who will i become? who have i become without your love?

i don’t want to be without love because what a waste it would be. i know i’m not the same, that the person you loved is gone. i just want to fall in love with someone who isn’t you.

i want to feel something. 

just to feel again.

– i can’t remember that feeling, but i still remember loving you.